tournament for Sakura's hand
by QueenTargaryen
Summary: it's a tournament for Sakura's hand in marriage. Blank Period. Cracked Canon
1. Chapter 1

It was during the spring of her 20th year, that Sakura received the news she didn't know she'd been dreading. Her best friend and rival getting married. Upon hearing the words come out of the blonde girl's lips, she felt herself choke on her sip of tea.

"I'm sorry Ino, what did you say again?" She asked once she composed herself, to make sure she'd heard her correctly.

"Sai and I are getting married, soon too, we want to do it in two weeks!" Ino responded.

Ino Yamanaka had invited her two best friends to afternoon tea to be able to announce her upcoming nuptials. "It's going to be a western style wedding, much to my mother's discontent, even so, I need you to two to be my bridesmaids!"

Hinata looked over at her pink headed friend with concern, she wasn't sure how the news would be affecting her, now being the only girl of their generation to be single... she knew just how heartbreaking it was to wait for one's feelings to be reciprocated. She held her friend's hand gently underneath the table for support. Sakura was glad to have a friend like Hinata, she was always so considerate. Sakura squeezed her hand in return and smiled.

"Of course, Ino pig, we would be honored" she told Ino, answering for the two of them.

"Alright, so you'll need to organize a bachelorette party for me, and Hinata you need to tell Naruto to do one for Sai too! Does this Friday work for you?" Ino asked.

"Amm sure I think, but what's the hurry?" Hinata questioned. Since her own wedding had taken approximately a year to be planned.

"Well, we just didn't want to wait any longer"

"Consider it done Ino pig! I'm very happy for you and Sai, really" Sakura said, because whatever competition she and Ino had been in, she was her oldest and dearest friend. And she knew Sai really deserved to have a family of his own. "So, how did Sai finally pop the question?!" She continued, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at the blonde.

"Well... actually I asked him" Ino responded, scratching the side of her head nervously. "Sai was talking about the disadvantages of not having a proper surname, and I said, 'how about Yamanaka?' it took him a few hours and a couple of books to figure that one out, then we started planning, very simple"

"That sounds so like you two" Sakura giggled.

"I know right? Well, see you girls on Friday! I have a lot of work to do at the flower shop in preparation, don't forget to surprise me!" Ino announced and took her leave, running towards her home and shop.

Friday night came sooner than they could have wanted, with Sakura and Hinata deciding to celebrate Ino's bachelorette party in a simple civilian bar in the company every female ninja in the shinobi register.

"Girls, tonight we are getting drunk out of our minds!" Ino announced to everyone at the bar. Pouring out peach sake and handing everyone their cups.

Sakura raised her bottle in toasting, and chug the remaining sake, promptly taking the cup Ino was offering.

"You might want to slow down, Sakura-Chan" Hinata told her with concern, looking down at the additional two bottles of sake Sakura had already killed.

"Why?!" The pinkette whined. "I'm celebrating you all married ladies! I'm so happy for you all"

"Aaam because we are just getting started, you don't want to be out too soon right?" Hinata made up as an excuse.

"Actually, I do! And youuu sweet pretty Hinata, you need to catch up!" Sakura said, already slurring her words, and holding a shot of sake to her black-haired friend. "You too Ino, drink up!"

Not even two hours later, the three girls were completely intoxicated. Blushes spreading through her faces, tears, laughter and confessions running freely.

"Areee you feeling bad because I beat you to get married forehead?" Ino asked her friend in teasing, expecting a snarky comeback from his best friend as usual.

"Yeah..." Sakura responded instead. "I don't want to end up and old maid" she complained.

"You won't end up an old maid Sakura-Chan, what about Sasuke?" Hinata said, trying to make her friend feel better despite her drunkenness.

"Sasuke-kun" Sakura sighed. "I'll always love Sasuke-kun but... he doesn't want me like that... and I really want... someone to hold and kiss and just... be" she hiccupped between words as she responded.

"I thought you were waiting for him Forehead; did you give up on him?" Ino whined sadly.

"No, I would never! I'll always be there to support Sasuke-kun, but I want something too! I'll be what Sasuke-kun wants me to be, I'll be like... like... like Naruto"

"Not exactly like Naruto I hope" Ino giggled at the thought.

"Yes, exactly like him! A friend! He is married and he still has Sasuke-kun's back and he loves him, and he even got a kiss out of it! I mean that's not a bad thing to have" Sakura continued.

"Sakura-Chan are you sure?" Hinata said, because even when intoxicated, Hinata was always the most levelheaded.

"Yup!" Sakura said and raised her fist. "I'm ready to find someone!"

"But who?" Ino questioned.

"Neji-niisan is still available" Hinata offered. "He's handsome, strong, reliable"

"Naah he's too stiff for our Sakura here" Ino interjected. "She needs someone legendary, one of a kind, and powerful!"

"Neji is all that!" the Hyuga responded, defensive of her dear cousin. "And he is from a noble clan!"

"We're not trying to replace one Sasuke for another Hinata, she needs someone to fight for her!"

"Do I get I say?..." Sakura started. This conversation was getting out of control.

"NO!" Ino yelled.

"Lee would've been perfect, if he hadn't knocked up that civilian girl, or... are opposed to the idea of being a stepmother?"

"Ino!" Both girls chastised.

"Okay okay! I have an idea, but it might be a little crazy and possibly illegal"

"What is it?!" Both of her friends asked in curiosity.

"I'll tell you, but first we need to break into Lord Hokage's office!"

And so, the three drunk girls found it was surprisingly easy to break into the Rokudaime's office in the middle of the night. With Hinata keeping watch at the entrance and Sakura distracting the Anbu guards on the roof of the building Ino put herself to work.

"Is that the communication system between all hidden villages?" Hinata asked from the door, since her byakugan allowed her to see what Ino was doing.

"Yes, it is... I am almost done" Ino continued drafting a message and then hit send.

"Ino, what did you do?" Hinata asked. She didn't know why she followed along with Ino's plan. She thought breaking into the Hokage's office was bad, but she never thought this would include the other villages.

"Nothing, I just send a flyer to all the Hidden villages, instructing them to post it everywhere" The blonde responded.

"Flyer for what?" Hinata asked.

"You'll find out on March 28th" Ino said, looking at her with a mischievous smile on her face, that sent chills down Hinata's back.

x

It was a particularly calm day for Sasuke, he was exploring the Hidden Stone Village, without a hurry. Iwagakure didn't have much to offer in regards of sightseeing, but Sasuke was determined to at least spend a couple of weeks in this place, trying to find a hideout where Itachi spent some time during his time in the Akatsuki, and also to ask for the opportunity to train in the fabled Sanzu Plains, it was known that the site prevented those who entered from using jutsu, and the only way out was to find your "heart stone", those who were able to, would finally be able to figure what their heart's true desire, it definitely sounded like what Sasuke needed.

As he was walking towards the Tsuchikage tower, he noticed a colorful flyer taped to hundreds of different posts and windows. His curiosity got the best to him as he stopped to read one of them, it featured a beautiful photograph he'd never seen of none other than Sakura, _his Sakura._ His susanoo almost activated in anger as he read the contents:

Tournament for Haruno Sakura's Hand

All powerful Shinobi from all villages welcome.

Compete for the once in a lifetime chance to

marry one of the most beautiful Kunoichi of the

land. Show off your skills and make your village

Proud by winning the hand of the most powerful

Female ninja. Heroine of the 4th ninja war.

Member of the New Legendary Sannin.

Be ready

March 28th in Konoha no Sato.

* * *

I don't know why I wrote this. Yes, it's supposed to be satire. Yes, Neji is still alive because, why did he even die!? Don't forget to leave your thoughts and comments on a review. Let me know if this sounds interesting to anyone so that I can continue.


	2. Chapter 2

Sasuke tried to remember the anger management techniques he had been taught by Sakura during his year in Konoha after the war. Count down from 10, inhale and exhale slowly, as if trying to move the fire on a candle but without blowing it out. He wasn't even able to make it to 5.

He knew all communication from other villages came from the Kages themselves. So that meant Kakashi was behind this. Kakashi was auctioning her off as property to the villages, and for what? To promote tourism?! What was he thinking!? And on March 28th, that was only two days away, and who knows who long those flyers have been posted and how many people have seen them.

He ripped the flyer off the post enraged, then began making the journey back to Konoha, using his complete body susanoo to travel the distance between the villages as fast and he could.

He arrived at Konohagakure a day before the so-called tournament was supposed to begin. He made his way to Kakashi's office and walked in without knocking. He slammed the flyer on his desk, and demanded of his former sensei "what the fuck is this?"

"Well good to see you too Sasuke, how's your journey going" The white-haired man said. Without even so much as a reaction to Sasuke's use of profanity.

"Answer the question!" he continued to demand.

"Oh that? Well you see, the girls were having a night out drinking, they broke into my office and sent it to all the villages, I was going to call it off but since we received an incredibly positive response..."

Kakashi was interrupted by the loud entrance of Naruto, using the window of his office in lieu of the door like a normal person. "Hey Teme! I felt your chakra flaring and I thought I better come protect Kakashi sensei from whatever you think you're doing" he said.

"None of my students have any respect for me" Kakashi muttered mostly to himself.

"Did you know about this?!" Sasuke said, throwing the wrinkled flyer on Naruto's face.

"The tournament? yeah, Hinata told me after she sobered up, it got pretty big real fast, I heard the Daimyō's son wants to participate, ya know" Naruto said, now speaking to his former sensei.

"The Daimyō's son? Really? Impressive" Kakashi commented, since it was pretty amazing for a low born kunoichi to get the attention of a noble man.

"What... you can't let this happen; you need to stop it!" Sasuke said through gritted teeth.

"I don't think it's possible at this point Sasuke, and Sakura hasn't said anything about it so..."

"That's not possible, she wouldn't want this..." Sasuke muttered.

"Sorry Sasuke, she was with Hinata and Ino when they did this" Kakashi explained. He had scolded both Ino and Hinata upon finding out. But Sakura seemed to have gone into hiding right after.

"That's not... this is not what she wants!" Sasuke answered angrily.

"And just what makes you say that?" His former sensei asked coldly. He really did knew just how to push Sasuke's buttons.

"Because Sakura and I ..." he hesitated for a moment, he didn't know why he was like that. "Because Sakura and I are together" he announced.

Both his blond best friend and the Hokage were dumbfounded by his confession.

The silver haired man cleared his throat to compose himself and asked. "Excuse me Sasuke, but does she know that?"

Naruto snickered at the questioning.

"Of course, she does" Sasuke argues.

"Nah I don't think she does Teme" Naruto said.

"What makes you think you're 'together'?" The way Kakashi used air quotes with his fingers when saying together, made him angry. This whole situation was extremely uncomfortable for Sasuke, he had never been one to talk about his feelings, even after he started opening up again.

"I... took her on a date!" Sasuke offered.

"You asked her to come to sit on a bench and watch the sea! And it lasted two minutes! That doesn't count as a date!" Naruto said.

"I came back to save her when that bastard kidnapped her!" Sasuke said, referring to the whole Kido situation.

"As any of her other friends would have if she'd been taken because of them" Kakashi countered. "Besides you ran away right after, she didn't even see you"

"I... accepted her feelings and... I asked her to wait for me, you know! you were there!" He pointed at Kakashi.

"You mean when you left the village? No, you didn't!" He rebuked.

"I did, I..."

"You said thank you and poked her in the forehead!" Kakashi contested.

"It was implicit!" Sasuke yelled uncharacteristically, almost as loud as Naruto.

"Well it needs to be plicit!" Naruto yelled back at him.

"That's just not a thing idiot…"

"You know what I mean! The point is, she doesn't know, she's been thinking you rejected her" Naruto explained, his hands behind his head and looking up at the ceiling in thought.

Sasuke was desperate, he ran his hands through his inky locks in exasperation. He didn't know what to do anymore.

"There is only one solution to your whole problem Sasuke" The Hokage offered. "You need to participate in the tournament... and win"

"Yeah teme! It'll be easy! There's no way someone stronger than you will be there" Naruto explained excited. Because really, other than himself, who would stand a chance against the last Uchiha?

"Well there is one thing though" Kakashi said, handing a piece of paper to Naruto. "Sakura sent me the stipulations of the tournament by hawk before she started hiding from me"

As Naruto began to read the contents of Sakura's letter, his eyes almost popped out of his head. "WHAT?! NO CHAKRA, DŌJUTSU, SENJUTSU OR GENJUTSU ALLOWED?! IS SHE TRYING TO TAKE TEME OUT OF THE RUNNING?!"

"I don't believe she thinks Sasuke would be interested enough to participate, but no, I have the feeling she wants to find someone who has to work for everything as hard as she had" Kakashi explained.

"This can't be! I have to do something, I have to tell her" Sasuke turned around to leave and immediately look for his former teammate, but Naruto stopped him with a firm hand on his shoulder.

"I don't think you should" Naruto said, with a very serious tone Sasuke had never heard him do. "She wants you to fight for her Sasuke, I'm sure, you need to participate and win"

"I think Naruto is right Sasuke" said Kakashi.

"I'll still help you out Sasuke, I have a plan" the blond fox said, flashing his very kitsune like smile to both men.


	3. Chapter 3

Naruto took Sasuke to his newlywed home right after the end of their discussion with Kakashi. He didn't tell Sasuke right away what his plan to _help him_ was, he was sure Sasuke would try to stop him anyway, although Sasuke didn't seem to be the jealous type, since leaving a girl who you like behind for two years when she is one of the most beautiful and popular girls of the village doesn't actually seem to show that, his brooding friend seemed incredibly flustered. Naruto thought Sakura would put a stop to the tournament if Sasuke were to go to her and tell her about his feelings, that is for certain; but there is a part of him, a protective, brotherly part of him, that made him want to see Sasuke work for her. She had suffered so much for this poor bastard, and although it wasn't really his fault he was always such a jerk, Naruto couldn't help but to want to see him suffer for her, even if it was just a little bit. Still, Naruto thought he needed some sort of guarantee, just in case.

Once home, he told Hinata of the situation, her adorable face went completely red, eyes rimmed with tears as she bowed before Sasuke, and started muttering fast apologies.

"It's not your fault Hina, it was Ino's plan, right?" Naruto explained to her and Sasuke.

"Still, I was there, I should have stopped her" Hinata said apologetically.

"Nothing you can do now," replied Sasuke.

"Amm…. There's something I have to do," Hinata mentioned rapidly, remembering something she could and would have to do. "I'll be back… please make yourself at home Sasuke-kun" She grabbed a sweater and headed out the door before explaining.

She hurried to the Hyuga Estate, looking around for Neji. He had mentioned his intentions of participating in the tournament, for which she was glad… before, she always thought Sakura would be a perfect match for Neji, even when she understood the feelings she harbored for Sasuke. But now that she knew Sasuke had feelings for her as well, she had to stop him.

"You can't participate in the tournament!" She told him when she found him training in the Hyuga dojo.

"Hinata-sama…" He bowed before his cousin in greeting as it was expected of him in the Hyuga clan.

"Sasuke-kun… he is back in the village, and he has feelings for her too and –" She tried to explain, but was interrupted by Neji.

"So what?" He asked. "You know that I've always thought she deserved better than him, besides, ever since you married Naruto, Hiashi-sama has been interested in reforming the Hyuga clan, he thinks me marrying Sakura-san is the perfect opportunity for us to expand our lineage"

"But you don't like her like that" She interceded. Neji also deserved to marry someone he loved, not just marrying for duty.

"Actually, I do, ever since she healed me during the war, she saved my life, and I always thought she became a wonderfully skilled kunoichi"

"That's just not the same…" Hinata said while fiddling with her hands.

"There's nothing I can do now Hinata-sama… if it ends up in a battle between the Uchiha and the Hyuga I'll just have to show that the Hyuga are the strongest in the village"

Hinata lowered her head in defeat, she will have to put a stop to his cousin herself, she thought, and there is only one way to do that.

x

"I'd like to welcome everyone to Konoha, and to this very unique tournament" Kakashi announced to the audience in Konohagakure's main arena, using a voice enhancement jutsu. The arena was filled to capacity with spectators from all countries and hidden villages. Kakashi couldn't have predicted this type of response, but he had to admit, this much exposure was definitely beneficial for the village's economy. He almost felt guilty for his former student... almost. "Due to the overwhelming response in participants, we are beginning this tournament Chunnin exams style, in the Forest of Death training field #44... but before we begin, how about some words from our reason to be here today, Haruno Sakura?"

Sakura shook her head no, vehemently. She had almost died of embarrassment when Ino first informed her of her whole tournament plan, then she was forced, again by Ino, into a ridiculously extravagant and uncomfortable dress, a red, low cut dress that reached lower than any cleavage she'd ever showed before, shiny with rhinestones and sparkles and god knows what else. She was made by Kakashi, who found her hiding at the hospital trying to avoid the whole charade, to bear witness to the madness in the Hokage podium, right in the spotlight, and now he wanted a speech?!

"Well then… let's welcome the participants to the arena before they make their way to training field 44, come on in" Kakashi gestured and the crown erupted in applause.

Around 100 or so participants entered the area upon the Hokage's call, in a formation, some were from varied hidden villages, others seemed not to have a ninja association.

"See the man in pelts and flashy outfit?" Kakashi whispered in Sakura's ear, referring to man leading one of the lines of formation, tall and muscular, his long blond hair reached the middle of his back while two stripes framed his attractive face. She wondered why a man so attractive and obviously extravagant felt the need to compete for a common kunoichi. "He is the Daimyō's son, and a favorite to win, apparently he is a boxer, and travels all around the world in competitions"

"Sensei!" she barked, upset over his enthusiasm.

Her eyes moved over the other participants, she spotted the characteristic red hair of Gaara, walking in formation flanked by his brother Kankuro and a suna shinobi she did not recognize.

"Woow the Kazekage is competing?!" she heard from someone in the audience. "Konoha took their princess, maybe their trying to take ours too" someone else responded.

"They're calling you the Slug Princess now" Ino explained from behind her, giving her a knowingly wink.

"I thought that was just for Tsunade-sama…"

"Well as the heir of Tsunade, I think it's fitting" Kakashi said meddling into their whispered conversation.

"But I still wonder why Gaara…" She started to ask but was interrupted.

"You're the Slug Princess of Konoha, student of two Hokage, and a favorite to the future one, think about your status Sakura" He offered in explanation. It was true, when put like that, but still the thought made her uneasy.

She wasn't able to consider it for long, since next she recognized the proud stance and orange coloring of said future Hokage, leading another line of formation, and standing next to him none other than his wife…. "Naruto, Hinata… WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE!? YOU TWO ARE ALREADY MARRIED!" Sakura shouted from the podium.

"Ammm…. Polygamy is legal in Fire country!" Hinata answered, yelling atypically and blushing madly, drawing laughter from the audience and a few of the participants.

"Hinata-sama…" Neji said from where he was standing next to his cousin, face flushed as well in embarrassment, he was sure his uncle would choke if he'd heard such a statement.

Hinata knew she had to be the one to stop Neji, and when her husband informed her of his plan, she knew she had to participate as well. She felt as if she was betraying Neji, but she also wanted to give Sakura the best chance possible.

"He he he I don't know about Hinata here, but I'm here as the option that Sakura-chan marries no one" Naruto said after.

"NARUTO!" Ino yelled from behind Sakura. "You're ruining everything!"

"Alright settle down…" said Kakashi. "I'm in charge here, and…" he added a pause for dramatic effect. "…I'll allow it"

"Kakashi-sensei…" Sakura whispered, because although she was glad, that someone as strong as Naruto was the option to get out of this whole situation, she didn't want to go back to where she started. Alone.

"You've been so distracted with all the flamboyant participants, that you haven't noticed who's standing in the back of the formation line" Ino whined, and subtly pointed at the raven-haired man in a black cloak. He stood last in line, and Sakura had to strain her eyes to make sure it was really him.

He was looking at the floor and then at the sky, refusing to meet her eyes as she looked at him for the first time in two years.

"Sasuke-kun is here…." She whispered mostly to herself.

"Yup, and participating for you hand in marriage, forehead!" Ino shrieked excitedly, lightly elbowing her friend on the ribs.

Sakura couldn't breathe, not only because the corset of her dress was stupidly tight, but because HE was there, in the flesh, in Konoha. "Ha… you know Sasuke-kun and Naruto would take any chance to show up their skills and fight each other" She waived with her hand dismissively, because it was the most obvious explanation.

"Whatever you need to tell yourself Forehead" The blonde raised her hands as if giving up. Ino didn't want to admit to her friend just yet, this had been her plan all along. If it wasn't for Naruto getting in the way…

Sasuke allowed himself one second to glance over at the pinkette he'd missed so much over the last two years. She looked so different from the last time he saw her, her hair was shorter and neater than he'd ever seen before, she seemed… more feminine and curvier, her waist looking ridiculously small, he wondered how it made sense that someone so dainty could break boulders with her fist. She was already looking at him when he got to her face, his gaze getting lost in those emerald green eyes of hers, a concerned smiled played lightly on her lips. Their eye contact seemed to last forever, as it always did whenever they met after a long time apart.

They mutual stare was only then interrupted by another participant's loud declaration. "Sakura-san!" Sasuke looked over the person responsible and spotted an Iwa shinobi screaming Sakura's name at the top of his lungs, he looked to be much older than they were judging by the lines under his eyes. He had dark hair and a weak chakra signature, there seemed to be nothing remotely remarkable about this man, the thought.

"There hasn't been a moment since the war that you haven't been in my thoughts! Since that time on the tent… I know you rejected my love letter then, but if you are doing this now… it means that you no longer love the person you loved back then, so please reconsider!"

"Morio? What…" Sakura began to question but wasn't exactly sure how to address that confession.

Sasuke glared at the Iwa shinobi with distain. He had credited their time during the war to when he started to recognize his feelings for his pink haired teammate, and she'd been receiving love letters at the same time?! But the words of the man affected him deeply, was it true? Had she actually stopped loving him?

"Hey Bastard, say something too!" Naruto said to Sasuke, trying but failing to keep a low tone.

Sasuke moved his lips as to ask _What?_

"A love confession! You can't lose to that dude!" Naruto said in his supposed whispered voice, with every participant around the two men looking and listening in.

Sasuke shook his head no and muttered _Shut up_. He wasn't about to proclaim love in front of an audience and a ridiculous situation like this. He as an Uchiha after all, and the Uchiha were much too cool for that.

"Sakura-sama!" another guy shouted, producing a gigantic sign with Sakura's name on it. "I love you!" And so, every other participant started to revolt in proclamations of love and admiration.

_Has Sakura always been this popular?_ Sasuke thought. It seemed like something he would have noticed, although in reality he had no idea, he vaguely recalled some irritating stalker she had back in their genin days, and also Lee's insisting confessions, who didn't seemed to be in the participants, much to his disappointment, a taijutsu only tournament for Sakura seemed to be right up his alley.

"If the participants could please go back to their formations and stay silent for a moment, that would be great" The Hokage spoke again, using the voice enhancement jutsu and silencing the crowd once more. "The rules are simple, to make things easier, you'll be divided into groups of three and handed an Earth scroll or a Heaven scroll, you'll need to obtain another group's scroll and reach the tower with both an Earth and Heaven scroll within 24 hours to move to the next stage of the tournament, we added a few difficulties to the Forest of Death make this more Jōnin level, those participants who pass the first stage will then complete in one-to-one matches, until we find a winner, no ninjutsu, dōjutsu, genjutsu, senjutsu or fūinjutsu will be allowed. You cannot use chakra whatsoever, if any participant does, will be immediately disqualified. Please remember the proctors are watching your every move. Let's begin!"

* * *

Thank you so much if you are still reading this, please don't forget to leave a review with your thoughts on this story.I'm also thinking of changing the name of this story, since I think it sounds kind of dumb. What do you think the title should be? I need to hurry up and post longer chapters because I really want to finish this before March 28 ;)

To the guest that commented on March 16, THANK YOU! that's exactly what I was going for! I'm so glad you get it.

I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy.


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